Before you murder your horrible boss...

I saw Horrible Bosses the movie earlier this week, and I loved it. But this isn’t a film review and before you run off and go to see the film on my endorsement, I feel you should know two things about my taste in on-screen entertainment:

1. Most of my favourite films have Hugh Grant as the lead actor.
2. I am the person still watching Friends repeats on E4.

So, if you’re looking for something gritty or gory, never, ever take a film recommendation from me.

But Horrible Bosses is laugh out loud funny (and it was the whole of the cinema audience chuckling and guffawing not just me). It also got me thinking about horrible bosses in general. Now I’m not talking about mildly distasteful bosses (e.g. those with an unfortunate case of B.O. or an irritating donkey laugh), I’m talking about the ones that actually drive you to distraction with their downright horrid ways.

I’ve had the unfortunate experience of having one of these bosses in my employed past. OK, compared to the movie there was:

A. No sexual harassment as dished out by Jennifer Aniston’s character (the thought makes me want to barf).
B. No early morning alcohol traps set in the style of Kevin Spacey’s character (although an early morning drink may have made the days with this boss more bearable).
C. No whores or cocaine involved. This boss was far too yawn-inducingly dull to have annoying qualities extending to the wreckless levels of the boss played by Colin Farrell.

This boss, however, was the sort who made my daily life hell during the years I spent reluctantly under their rule and unearthed in me a penchant for bitchiness that I'm not usually fond of partaking in. A person who’s name that still years later I spit out with disgust. A bullyish, praise stealing, sycophant who attacked mine and the rest of the team's confidence and sanity. The type of boss who your friends and family (who have never met said boss) also hate because they are bored of you talking incessantly about how awful they are.

Unfortunately, many of us have these bosses. With Horrible Bosses style murder plans out of the question, the tips I penned earlier this month in an article titled '10 ways to get through the week' may be of assistance.

And go to see the film. You will laugh.

Is it ever OK to pull a sickie?

In a recent study by PwC a third of UK workers admit lying to avoid work. Skiving, taking a sickie, a duvet day – whatever you call it, most of us have done it (go on, admit it). Yes, despite my annoyingly ever-present guilt complex, I confess I have relented to the little devil on my shoulder and taken two fake sick days in my lifetime. The shame.

I will share these two instances of shameful behaviour with you but that paranoid guilt complex of mine prevents me revealing the employers - I have an irrational fear that even years later they will hunt me down and deduct my pay. As I have a rather large sale shopping spree to pay for (including these bargain-tastic beauties from Coast) I’ll be keeping schtum.

Number one: As an A level student I had a weekend job in a fashion retail outlet. With mountains of coursework to catch up on and the prospect of another dreary shift on fitting room duty dishing out well-meaning lies to customers with the worst possible taste in clothes looming, I decided to call in sick. With a quivering voice, I called in to deliver my well-rehearsed lie. A migraine. The truth was I had a slightly sore head (probably from the Barcardi Breezers consumed the night before) and wanted to catch up with the latest on T4 before getting stuck into some study.

Number two: I was a recruitment consultant at the time. This was a short-lived career for me. I joined this ruthless occupation with the naïve idea that I would be helping people up the career ladder, guiding them towards the job of their dreams and helping them get that first job that they would recount fondly in years to come as their big break. My philanthropic beliefs about a career in recruitment consultancy in hindsight were hideous. Three months into the worst job I have ever had in my life, that pesky fake migraine hit again. With quivering voice again, I called in sick.  I justify this sickie with the fact that I resigned about a week later.

So, for everyone who’s taken a sickie - would you do it again? Some will say they are the downfall of the economy. Indeed, absence is a drain on businesses and the cause of more disillusionment in the ranks as the rest of the team has to pick up the pieces while the ‘sick’ employee settles down with Jeremy Kyle. Other downtrodden workers may suggest it’s their only way to reclaim the long hours and overtime that they have little hope of clawing back otherwise or getting compensated for.

If you decide to let that little devil on your shoulder get his way, you’ll be interested to hear according to the PwC research respondents believed they could get away with pulling five 'sickies' before management would start getting suspicious. And remember never ever talk about it on Facebook or Twitter - we've all heard those horror stories.

It's not just how you work, it's where you work

Squidged uncomfortably between piles of boxes on your left and abandoned surplus marketing brochures on your right, is it any wonder that you're feeling a little less than enthusiastic about going to work?

Cramped, crowded spaces, dull greying walls and stark strip lighting. We've all got our own lacklustre experiences of working in environments that zap your creative energy. Dull office space creates downbeat employees that are little more than zombies. Making the interiors of workplaces interesting isn't purely about corporate vanity and branding, creating inspiring offices is really all about getting the most from your employees. So, what could you do to breath some life into where you work? 

After writing an article for Edge online about how to make your workspace more inspiring, I'm starting to think the creative hub that is Laura Jane Johnson Towers may need a complete overhaul. Or is it just an excuse to splurge on a new desk?

For my office inspiration, I'm looking to the design duo behind Kancho Creative. Now there's an office I could thrive in!

Minimalism, midis and Mad Men

Watching a re-run of ‘The September Issue’, a documentary following Vogue’s Anna Wintour in the lead up to the publication of the (you guessed it) September issue, reminded me recently just how exciting September is.

It may be a time when we bid farewell to lazy days in the sun, bottomless jugs of Pimms and fancy free summer holiday adventures but I still always get excited as I flip the calendar over into September. It always feels like a new beginning after the laid back lull of the summer. Everything wakes up again re-energised. Including the fashion industry.

As the chill sets in I can’t wait to wrap up in a new season aviator (a must-have apparently and I’ve got my eager eyes on this one from Next) and clomp around in some new winter boots (loving these sock-lined clog boots from Topshop). But this blog is supposed to be about work and work issues, so any meandering off the subject to indulge my fashion interests should be kept to office friendly clobber. 

OK, back on track. The good news is the Autumn/Winter season trends seem particularly easy to translate into work wear this year. 

Minimalism. It’s a key theme in these austere times and is perfect for offices with dress codes that are firmly stuck in the dark ages. This collarless dress from Mango is perfect. But the key minimalist winter fashion item has to be the camel coat. The ultimate indulgence when it comes to covering up. And easy to slip over a suit. Coats like this military inspired one from Karen Millen or this cape from Pied a Terre just ooze a sense of classic elegance.

The midi. Now when it comes to skirt lengths little old me prefers them above the knee. So, I need a bit of convincing when it comes to the new midi length. With a hemline hovering somewhere in the dangerously unflattering (in my opinion) territory between your knee and ankle, it's definitely channelling the respectable chic vibe that most offices prefer. I prefer to see them pencil tight though like this one from Oasis.

The Mad Men craze. The next series is just about to hit our screens and everyone is talking about Christina Hendricks (who plays voluptuous office siren Joan Holloway). Curve complimenting dresses (like this one from L. K. Bennett) are destined to bring a bit of Mad Men's Manhattan sparkle (but hopefully less of the sexism, adultery, alcohol and tobacco abuse and scandal) to a grey Autumn day at work.

And that's all from me. Happy September. And happy shopping.

The art of doing nothing. We're experts.

Karen Walker, Grace's squeaky voiced assistant in US sitcom Will and Grace, has a blatant approach to the art of doing nothing at work. Most of us are more covert in our tactics. Sly naps in a toilet cubicle on a painful hangover morning, internet 'research' that extends to the celebrity pages of your favourite online magazine, searching for your next holiday destination when you should be finding the perfect venue for your next corporate event and those epic shopping lists you meticulously construct when you should be writing up meeting minutes. (Of course I have never done any of the above. Ahem.)

Let's face it, doing nothing (and disguising it as work) is a fine art that anyone working in an office learns to master very early on in their career. 

And last week statistics were released to prove it. Apparently junior council staff spend 68% of their time doing nothing remotely productive according to research by a management consultancy firm. It's a shocking statistic. But I'm not exactly surprised. I doubt anyone who has ever worked in an office is. In fact I would argue that splashing out on expensive research was a complete waste of precious budget deficit reducing public funds.

Facebook, favourite blogs, Twitter, eBay, online shopping sprees... having a computer in front of you presents an irresistible world of temptation away from the mundane tasks of the day. It makes it so easy to be slack. And be discreet about it. Who's to know when you're tapping in your credit card details to pay for that fabulous new top, you're not just updating your accounts spreadsheet with this month's sales figures? (Not that I condone such sloppy behaviour. Or have ever done something so slack myself. Ahem.)

So, what can we do to address this despicable state of affairs?

The management consultant's report blames managers for being uncomfortable confronting unproductive staff. So, do we need to be tougher? Maybe introduce more draconian internet security measures? Or Big Brother spying tactics? Yes, I suppose we could. But such blatant displays of the lack of trust in our workplaces will only augment the dismal dissatisfaction pay freezes, redundancies and brutal team restructurings have already inflicted. The answer has to be to look at staff motivation. Why do your team feel compelled to check Facebook every five minutes rather than do their job? How can management ignite enthusiasm and commitment in their teams? What can we do to inspire and motivate our teams when the promise of financial rewards is still out of the question?

Rather than pointing the finger of blame (and splurging on reports that provide a stick to beat our teams with), I think it's finding these solutions that we should be investing in.

Celebrating the 'office feeder'. Let us eat cake.

It's that time of year when offices across the country are filled with back from holiday treats. Creamy fudge from a colleague who has returned from a holiday in Cornwall, maybe some buttery shortbread from a Scottish break, a few tubes of Toblerone hastily grabbed on a flight home or some cheap Spanish sweets. It's all part of office life (and a good one at that). Let's face it, these treats can often bring a glimmer of cheer to an otherwise dull working day.

If you have an enthusiastic baker in your team, I say clap your hands with excitement and prepare for your taste buds to be delighted. Freshly baked goods, often brought in for no particular reason other than to create a bit of office joy are a godsend in my eyes. (I feel at this point I should express my appreciation to colleagues who have provided a whole range of fabulous treats for me over the years. I applaud your skills.)

But some evil people out there (such as this journalist for the Daily Mail) are labelling these generous individuals as 'office feeders'. Yes, apparently you should beware of the double-crossing, two-faced person sharing their delicious, melt in the mouth home-made cookies with you. No, they're not laced with poison but with a far more shocking intent. Apparently, it's an unstoppable desire to make us fat that drives them to the mixing bowl time after time. Forget friendly gestures, they're just trying to make us fail with our diets; it's their rather heavy handed way of making sure we are fatter than them. Pffff. Some people are so ungrateful. And too willing to blame their own lack of will power on someone else.

My view, let there be cake and lots of it. Work is stressful. On a bad day where everything is going wrong, where you've had your head down working and no time to even chat to the person next to you, the temptation of a cake can get you off your seat and catching up with a colleague quickly as you share a bite to eat. It can bring a smile to your face and camaraderie to the team. If you're on a diet, just have a small piece or don't bother. But if you do indulge, it seems unfair to blame the person providing the goodies for your lack of will power.

Anyway, rant over. Office bakers and treat buyers out there, please don't be discouraged by this horrible article. In my eyes you will always be the office lifesavers!

My guilt complex & speaking your mind at work

I have a guilt complex. It's a family trait. Something in my genes and I just can't fight it. It means I feel unnecessary guilty about things and say sorry far too often (frequently for no reason). So, now as I say sorry for not posting on here for so long (it's been over a month) and admit how guilty I feel for neglecting this blog, I know there's no need really for this meaningless confession. No-one's life has suffered because I failed to come on here to share my words of questionable wisdom about the world of work. But still I feel bad. So, sorry.

That now said, I feel I should qualify my absence with a reason (some would say an excuse). Well, I have been extremely busy. Yes, I know, the predictable response. But I really have. I've been writing internal comms announcements and award submissions for a corporate client, doing some PR and social media stuff for a charity and writing lots of articles (I can prove it - look at some of my published pieces).

Now I feel I can move on. Phew.

Yes, there is more to this post than my guilt trip. Today's debate is on whether you should challenge your superiors. Is it a sign of professional strength or an irritation that will secure you a position at the back of the promotion queue?

Based on my research for this feature for Edge Magazine, I would say when delivered wisely, a well backed up challenge is a good idea and a way to positively differentiate yourself from colleagues.  But it has to be done with confidence, conviction, tact and respect. And you have to be prepared to back down with dignity sometimes.

Here are a few tips I picked up:

Be confident in your expertise. Your boss promoted you because they believe you have a unique skill or capability. Your specialist knowledge is empowering and will enable you to make your voice heard and present a justified argument. 

Be subtle about it. Common courtesy and showing respect for seniority is crucial management behaviour. Never imply that you’re trying to influence a superior or manage their actions; they will immediately switch off.

Consider building a coalition. Sometimes it’s better not to act alone. Your voice on its own may not be heard but if you can gather an influential and united group of people to put forward a point of view it could be a more effective way to demonstrate your case.

Look for short term wins. Building the trust of senior colleagues takes time. If you’re struggling to get your voice heard, identify some short term wins and tackle those first. This is a way to demonstrate your capability and test your influencing style before taking on a more significant issue.

Find a mentor. Look out for people who are good at delivering challenges and ask them for their tricks. Most people are happy to share their skills if it’s something they’re good at.

So, off you go and bully your boss. Only kidding. I don't mean bully. I said that in jest. I probably should delete that comment; my guilt complex will go into overdrive if any of you take this literally and get the sack, find yourself at an employment tribunal for bullying behaviour, or in hospital when your boss lashes out at your below the belt challenge,  or maybe your family end up living on economy baked beans when you lose your job, ... I've got carried away so I'll stop there. Sorry.